You’re Not Alone

John 14:8
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

It’s been a while that I have posted a blog since my surgery.  Well here goes anything. In order to fly they say you have to jump first and figure it out from there. I know that as women no matter your status single, married, widow or separated we go through the moment of solitude. And many times this moment is not only identified in the physical realm, but spiritual realm. Moments where we feel like we have been left alone although we plenty of people surround us.  I don’t know about you, but there has been many nights were i have laid myself to sleep. If only my pillow could speak i ask it to be discrete. Your not the only one that feels or have felt like you where in a moment of solitude where nothing makes sense. And no one seems to understand you I’ve been there where it feels like eternity and we wonder when will this feeling be over. Thinking that God has forsaken you, but he hasn’t he is in control, he is with us in the storm, he is with us in the den of lions, he is with us in the heated fur nest no matter how hot it gets.  Sometimes God just needs to set us aside for a moment so that he can work in us in areas that we can not physically see. Some of us have been hurt from past relationships or family members and in order for God to bless us he needs to cleanse us first and he needs us to understand that yes we been hurt but that he heals all wounds.  He has to place us in a solitude, because some people become a distraction to what he wants to do in you. Not everyone is destine to go with you to your next level. But God is your fortress your not alone he is with you. He will guide you and strengthen you. It;s okay he got you it doesn’t matter the your man cheated on you or that people discriminate you because of you skin color or sexual preference, It is OK. If you have been molested so have I, but God is your fortress! It doesn’t matter how many times you have fallen or sinned we are no body to judge because God will lift up. Know that when you get out of the solitude you will be ready for what God has prepared for you. You will be healed you will be able to forgive like God has forgiven us.


How do I begin to piece myself back together again, thought Crystal while she looked at her reflection in the mirror. With tears running down her cheek she slightly closed her eyes trying to remember how did she get to this point in her life.  When did she give up on herself?

Like Crystal everyone hits this point in their lives where they feel lost. Weather it’s in you’re teens or as an adult;  I know I have specially when I’m trying to make everyone happy and meet everyone’s expectations.  I have lost my identity within my relationship by being a wife and a mother feeling not like I am living but just existing.

If you feel like you have lost yourself in your relationship, work industry. religion I want to let you know that its’s okay. Its part of the journey.  And it’s a climb the great news is that eventually you take another look in the mirror just to find that you were always there and you will resurface with greater resilience.

Egg Shells

“Relationships have a two way street it can become unbreakable like a diamond or it can shatter like a house made of glass.”

Relationships is a hot topic.  Everyone wants to know how to make it work.  How to make that significant other love you or be faithful (these are just two from many other inquires).

First and foremost, it’s important to understand that all relationships are different no relationship is the same as the last. Yet all relationships take hard work. Being in a relationship with someone other than yourself; is safe to say that you will not always see eye to eye.

I don’t know about you, but I thought that being in a relationship would be like those you see in movies. Yeah, that fairy tale with a happy ending where the man goes above and beyond for the women he loves. I had a naive way of thinking when I was in my first relationship. Until reality busted my fairy tale bubble. Making out wasn’t anything like the romantic movies;  you know those movies that lead you to believe that you should see fireworks while kissing or you leg automatically goes up.  In the beginning of most relationships there is that intense passion that all you want to do is spend all your time with that special someone.

Truth is that real life relationships are a bit more complex. Relationships have a two way street it can become unbreakable like a diamond or it can shatter like a house made of glass. The intensity of the passion that existed in the beginning the majority of the time starts to fade and sometimes one or the other gets bored or feel neglected. I can only talk about me when I say that recently it just feels like I am walking on eggshells with my significant other. Simply, because it feels like I can not say anything without the other person becoming defensive to what I am trying to say to him. I strongly believe that COMMUNICATION is a every important element like water is to a plant in order for it to grow.  How are we going to know what the other person likes or dislikes if you don’t stop and listen instead of just acting nonchalant to what the other person is saying.

























Let’s Talk

Can I be honest of how I feel?  Sometimes, I feel like there has to be more to my life than just cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, cleaning up behind my four kids and husband, washing clothes and putting the kids to sleep.  It’s not that I don’t love my kids or my family I do,  but at times it just feel so freaking overwhelming and I find myself sitting on the couch crying.  Thinking for a brief moment is this it?



Let my voice be heard,

Let it echo,

Let it vibrate,

Like an acoustic wave from a guitar let it resonate,

Through the mountains and the high skies that resemble the asleep and the ignorant,

Let my voice their heart, mind and ears captivate,

To the sound of the alarm let them wake,

I shall not be silenced,

I shall not cooperate,

My voice will not be muzzled there are too many lives at stake,

I owe it to all these women that are struggling to survive day by day,

I am the voice of that single woman willing to make it in this world with the ability to overtake,

I am the voice of that mother that hopes and prays her children’s lives no one takes,

I am the voice of that wife that’s tired yet puts a smile on her face,

When we all know she feels like she’s fading away,

I am the voice of that woman that’s been abuse, molested and discriminated against til this day,

I am the voice of that woman that has been categorized and broken by society due to her size and race,

Let my voice be heard,

Let my voice resonate,

I speak to every woman and I say you’re a caterpillar in the chrysalis,

You’re beautiful in your own way,

And soon your voice will become a butterfly destined  to fly away!!















Chicago On Pace For Record Year Of Homicides With 400 Murders


Chicago_Police_StarI am in Chicago, my hometown, to celebrate my mother’s 90th birthday.  I always love coming home to his city, but which is beautiful in the summer.  I took the kids swimming in Lake Michigan with huge waves and a perfect day. However, the city is reeling from an ever-rising murder rate.  Just four years ago, the city passed 400 homicides around Thanksgiving.  We just passed that mark in July in what could be a record bloody year in the Windy City.

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It’s perceived in a daily basis through music that we hear on the radio and social media in it’s self  that money and love is what makes the world go round, but from a mother’s point of view I have to disagree.  I would have to say that love and money are two elements that are like water and oil they do not mix and you can have one without the other.

What makes the world go round and it’s no surprise that it’s money.  Unfortunately if you have enough money and are in a upper level in society it’s sad to say,  but you can buy your way out of many things.

I am a mother of four boys and i didn’t think that i would have to talk to them about being touched inappropriately at such a young age.  After reading an article on the Counter Current News with the headline “School Cop Gets No Jail Time After Receiving oral sex from a former student”, this just disgusted me, because school is where our children are suppose to be safe.  Then confesses that he did such thing and gets no jail time. I understand that our justice system has been rigid from the beginning of time so it’s no anomaly that this officer gets to walk with no remorse.

So, now I have to make sure that my boys over-stand that there are people out there that do not always have the best  intention for them. I have to explain to them and brush off a little of their innocence over a subject that they probably aren’t even thinking about for their security.  The talk use to be don’t talk to strangers, if a stranger offers you candy you do not take it or you do not get in the car with a stranger. This was back in my days and yes I am aware that back then there was also people touching kids inappropriately and most of the time the victims were afraid to talk or tell somebody, because the person doing this to them was too close to home.

Teaching My Kids to Survive in ‘Merica

Not an Autism Mom

My two oldest boys took a trip to Texas this summer. It was their second time flying to Grandma’s without an adult. Last year (their first time) I was nervous… but it was a good nervous. It was a ‘my babies are growing up’ kind of nervous.djty5

We talked about wearing their seat belts and using their manners. I made sure they had everyone’s phone numbers just in case they got lost playing in Grandma’s neighborhood. I did the usual ‘mom run-down.’

But this year we had a much different conversation… a more serious conversation.

We talked about how to stay safe around police officers, even if they were only asking for help. I taught them how to hold their hands palms up and to the side, and to never reach in their pockets. And for God’s sake, don’t run up to them, even in an emergency. Some officers will…

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Life happens in the blink of an eye and shit as we know it gets hijacked.  My life has become an anomaly, it’s happened so fast that my mind takes control and leads me to believe that I might have woken up in a parallel universe.  Living a life that doesn’t belong to me nor did I have an opportunity to choose; from what I can remember. Although my memories are in a state of nonrecognition, when I look in the mirror the reflection I see is no one else but little old me.  Then what happened? Because this me is not me.  Questions bombard my existence “Was I cloned”? Impossible! Well it is possible, but i don’t remember ever being in a lab with scientist wearing white lab coats. Nor can I make sense of being kidnapped by anyone because who would want to kidnap me, a small town journalist trying to make it in this cruel world online and offline.  All that makes sense to me at this point is that i might just be stuck in the third stage of REM sleep the one that particularly last longer and it becomes harder for us to wake up from. That’s what it is a nightmare I am dreaming.  All of a sudden I hear someone screaming and I try to ignore it, but the sound just becomes louder and louder so I headed towards the stairs of this house I find myself in. As the sound becomes amplified I realize that it’s coming from one of the rooms upstairs. I go up the stairs and when I look in the room I see a toddler calling. Mommy! I looked around hoping someone would come to the toddler’s rescue,  but all I saw was three other boys coming inside the room. Standing in a paralyzed mode with no words to express they look at me and ask “Mom are you going to pick up Tristin?”  OK.  If I am dreaming this is the perfect time to wake up. Somebody please wake me up! I don’t remember having any kids or living in this big house. Confusion hits me what the hell happen? How did I end up here with this life?  I look around and see pictures throughout the house, I see pictures of the boys and I stumble across a family portrait. Wait…a family portrait? WTF!! I am married and have children not one but four boys. Okay someone prepare my casket because I am dead just bury me 7 feet deep and do not take me out.  Tristin still crying. Okay! Okay Jesus! I pick him up reluctantly before his lungs burst and before I get charged for negligence or murder in a life that’s not even mine. Yes, I completely believe that I am in a parallel universe;  here I have no me time nor do I get to enjoy bubble baths with candles and wine hell I can’t even pee without one of these little people knocking on my door or just barging in without my consent. My life has been hijacked from my vivid imagination where I can remember when I had just one child and don’t get me wrong people I love and adore my four boys but this shit is rough. My husband and I wouldn’t be who we are without any of them but I do miss my freedom and my alone me time.  Hell! I miss being able to sleep through the night without a human alarm clock ringing every other hour on some nights. Quiet please! Some days the whining, crying and the telling on each other seems like enough to just drive me insane! They are my kids and I have learned to work through it but the irony of  being hijacked isn’t funny.